Embrace Uncertainty

 Embrace Uncertainty

A common root of anxiety is a lack of control. Control gives stability, stability calms anxiety. The one factor that we cannot control is what will happen. Although it seems like the future can be predicted, it is impossible to know what will happen. Trying to become certain about what will happen will only lead to cynicism and negativity when it doesn’t happen.

To learn to embrace uncertainty, we must reframe a common theme in our mind:

Not knowing gives you the ability to be surprised.

Seeing the unknown as a potential to be surprised will give you a more positive view on the future. What I ran into by trying to always control the future is that I was never surprised, and almost exclusively let down.

I would attempt to paint a vivid image in my mind about what the future may look like and end up experiencing something completely different. In a scenario where I could just as easily see the actual events as something unexpected, but in a positive way, I saw it as unexpected and more of a disappointment.

There are few times where you are positively surprised by something if you are exclusively expecting another thing. By committing to one result in your mind, you are making it so anything but that result will disappoint you. It is similar to the Naval quote that roughly states “happiness is making an agreement with yourself to not be satisfied until you achieve what you desire.” 

Basically you are saying that unless you get exactly what you predicted, you will be unhappy. Yes, this has its benefits at times, but you can make more of an argument that this is a cynical viewpoint rather than just being extremely picky.

It is great to have standards. But you need to realize that it is nearly impossible to fit every single standard you have for every single thing. I have found in my own life my standards will even contradict each other at times. I will say that I am looking for a partner who is unlike me and is strong where I am weak, but then get upset because my partner isn’t exactly like me.

Prediction leads to disappointment.

Think of a world where you know exactly what will happen. Is that life worth living?

Knowing exactly what will happen in the future will cause you to count down the days until the next hit of dopamine. It’ll make the monotonous seem even more monotonous because it isn’t just boring, but it was predicted perfectly.

We all crave a sense of wonder in our lives. We purposely watch movies, go to theme parks, read fiction books, play video games because the outcomes are unpredictable. If you go to a movie and halfway through can predict precisely what will happen, it isn’t generally perceived as a good movie, is it? Of course not. The unpredictability is what brings us to watching the movie in the first place.

Watching movies and other such activities are used to escape from the mundane lives that we feel like we are living. We use these outlets as a way of changing what is going on in our heads. When the mind isn’t challenged, it is bored. 

Too much of a good thing is a bad thing.

Craving the ideal life is very common. It is even more common to have a dynamic vision of the ideal nowadays because of the perfect parts of lives that are shown to us in social media and marketing every single day. The target is always moving now. You don’t have just one dream anymore, you have multiple that are always getting further and further away.

Thinking once I receive this, then I will be happy is a common way to think. We feel like there is just one simple thing that we need to satisfy our needs. But as soon as that need is satisfied, another is revealed.

That is what happens because of time. Everything is always changing, therefore no one thing can remain unchanged. Even thoughts and needs work that way.

The three things that all humans want in life are time, money and health.

The hardest part of these things is having them all at one time. Early in life we have time and health, but no money. During our working years we have money and health, but no time. Then when we grow old we have time and money, but no health. 

Needs change. Desires change. You will never have it all so embrace what you do have. That is the key to having it all.

Control is an illusion.

Think of a time where you felt like you finally calmed the storm. For a moment, there was no stress, nothing to worry about, and you finally felt like you had everything under control. Now think of what happened next. I can almost certainly predict what happened:

Something didn’t go as planned.

You had to adjust. You no longer felt in control. The mission changed.

Every single time you feel like you are in control, something happens that makes you realize you are not. Control is an oasis. It is an illusion. It is always temporary.

The paradox about control is that if you believe you have it, you will always be reminded that you don’t. But if you believe you don’t have it, you will never feel like you have completely lost the reins. Why? Because you expected to not be in control.

Prepare to be surprised. Life becomes more fun when you don’t know what is going to happen, but you expect to not know what is going to happen. This typically allows you to avoid being catastrophically thrown off course.

Think of all the people who feel like they have control in life. Typically people with a lot of money, or fame, or success. They feel like they are riding high for a moment. Completely in control. But completely susceptible to loss of control. It always happens; they never expect something bad to happen and as soon as it does they are not ready and completely thrown off course. At times, they even lose it all.

Life is impeccable when it comes to humbling a grandiose ego. 

Cynics are typically created from those who have been thrown off course by the storms of life. They feel like they have it all together one second and lose it all the next. Rather than looking inward and asking what they could have done better, they blame life. They no longer expect anything to go their way just because one thing went wrong.

There is no longer any hope for good, because of the bad that took over.

It is very easy to fall into cynicism when you are let down. It nearly never fails that the person who caused the let down was the very person who experienced it. 

Whatever carries the blame is in control of the game.

There is mighty power in blame. Whatever the fault is attributed to has all the power over the victim of the issue. If you blame something else for what has happened to you, you are giving that thing power over your situation. 

As long as you blame whatever it is for your issues, it will continue to have all the power over you. There is only one thing that we can control as humans in this life and that is our thoughts and our actions. 

When it comes to anything, the best way to escape from a victim mindset is to blame yourself, even if you feel like you don’t deserve any blame. Taking ownership for what happens in our lives gives us control. It gives us power. It allows us to no longer be a bystander, a victim of circumstance, but rather a player in our own game.

Giving blame to external conditions creates a lot of uncertainty. You can never know how something else may act, but you can know how you will act. Taking ownership over your actions gives yourself control. The more we can control, the less uncertainty exists. Now it is all about how you react to what happens that you can’t control. Let’s dive in.