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The Work Paradox

The Work Paradox Western culture is built around work. One third of your entire life is spent working. With work consuming so much of your time, what are you thinking about when you’re not working? You’re most likely here because you deal with the same struggles as me. If you’re anything like me, you’re thinking about work even when you’re not working.  The way I put it is we work so hard so we don’t have to work, but when we aren’t working we think about working because work is the only way we won’t have to work anymore. It’s a mouthful, but this is what I call the Work Paradox. It is the use of time thinking about work even when you aren’t working because you know that work will bring you freedom. But what is freedom? If freedom from having a job we have to show up to is our definition, then yes, eventually work should get you to that point. But what if freedom is something else? What if freedom is an escape from any stressor? That is what I have slowly begun to believe freedom ...
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The Thinking Cost

  The Thinking Cost Numerous reasons exist for why you think the way you do about your present life. Hopefully, the past few chapters have resonated. Hopefully, you don’t feel like you are alone in this journey from cynicism to optimism.  For me, the majority of the problems that I face are made up in my mind. They were born as a minor inconvenience, deliberated much more than necessary, and become a major problem in my life I continue to deal with each day. If you feel the same, don’t be upset with yourself. You think a lot because you feel a lot. You want to know that what you are doing is the best thing you can do. You are a perfectionist. Opportunity cost is often thought about among anxious individuals. Anxiety is created because we want to make sure the decision we are making is the best one, and there isn’t anything better out there. The fallback of this thought process: you will never know all the other options, and you will never be able to experience all of them anyw...
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Controlling your response pt. 2

  Pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice. We are meant to experience pain.  Pain initiates change and change is what keeps us alive. Learn to embrace pain in life. Embracing and expecting pain and change to happen throughout our lives allows us to simply live and never become overwhelmed by the many obstacles that come our way. Refusing pain and change is what creates suffering. You suffer because you do not want to accept the changes that are happening in your life. It is extremely difficult to accept pain and change because our bodies and minds crave comfort, patterns, and routines in life. We want  familiarity because it allows our minds to not have to work as hard. Change and pain spark new processes within the brain which lead to work and difficulty. Life no longer is easy because rather than being able to figuratively shut off your brain and coast, you have to be conscious when simply living. This is why every time we experience a tough life event such as a break...
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Controlling your Response Pt. 1

  Controlling your Response On a planet of 8 billion people, there are only 2 things you can control: your thoughts and your actions. We are overwhelmed with people in our lives each day. It is easy to get caught up in blaming the person in the white house, or the big man in the corner office, or your aging parents. That is the easiest way out. But that is the reason for all the madness we experience every day is people giving power to others in the form of blame. This chapter we are going to focus on the only thing you can control when it comes to interactions with the other humans on this earth: your response. Emotions are what make us human, controlling them makes you superhuman. A common phrase you hear in nearly every single place of human interaction is they made me feel this way. They made. Making someone feel a way insinuates that you have control over their mind. You have the ability to hypnotize them. We are quite literally admitting that others have control over our mi...
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Embrace Uncertainty

  Embrace Uncertainty A common root of anxiety is a lack of control. Control gives stability, stability calms anxiety. The one factor that we cannot control is what will happen. Although it seems like the future can be predicted, it is impossible to know what will happen. Trying to become certain about what will happen will only lead to cynicism and negativity when it doesn’t happen. To learn to embrace uncertainty, we must reframe a common theme in our mind: Not knowing gives you the ability to be surprised. Seeing the unknown as a potential to be surprised will give you a more positive view on the future. What I ran into by trying to always control the future is that I was never surprised, and almost exclusively let down. I would attempt to paint a vivid image in my mind about what the future may look like and end up experiencing something completely different. In a scenario where I could just as easily see the actual events as something unexpected, but in a positive way, I saw i...
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The Origin of Expectation Pt. 2

It is a human thing to fear letting people down, especially those you love. As humans, we find happiness when we make others happy. It encourages us to do it more. That is why when we do the exact opposite of what people want for us, it is hard because we don’t feel that joy, but rather the pain of admonishment and disapproval. A lot of anxiety is centered around the opinion of others but we will break that down later. For now, let’s stay on the topic of let down. But what happens when it’s your own expectations that you don’t fulfill?  Personally, I believe there are a couple different ways of looking at it. The first, and more obsessive, cynical way, would be to let a broken expectation begin to define who you are and lead to demotivation and disappointment. I believe that our opinion of ourselves is simply made up of the things we do and don’t do. If you tell yourself you will do something and break that promise, it is more likely you will believe that you are not somebody who k...
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The Origin of Expectation Pt 1

  The Origin of Expectation Expectations are required in accountability. In the mind of an anxious individual, accountability and habits are required to give some structure. Structure provides control. Control provides comfort. Anxiety is the overwhelm when faced with too many options. Much different from sadness which is derived from a lack of options.  The anxious being uses expectations as a guide, a crutch, to avoid being misguided by the addition of too many options. When expectations are in place, it makes it much easier to feel like you have some sort of direction and focus. But the downside of expectations, is when they are strong, and they go awry, it leads to complete mental derailment. A lot of expectation-forming in your adult life comes from the disappointment you felt in your primary years when you did not fulfill someone else’s expectations. Anxious individuals will commonly see that during their younger years they faced a lot of feelings of disappointment from ...
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