Prelude: A Reason to Write

 Dear Reader,


It is December 14th, 2024.


As it currently is, I am alone in a room full of worry. I am at my wit’s end with myself. 


Over the last couple years, I have gone through a roller coaster ride of emotions, discoveries, changes, and near breakthroughs. I have found clarity, lost all motivation, thought I had it all together, then realized I don’t know a damn thing about fifty times.


Throughout this time, only one thing has remained: the general sentiment in my thought.


I acquired a cynical view of life at a young age. I was trained to see the potential downside in everything, just so I could be prepared. Over time this cynical view has ruined relationships, clouded the best moments of my life, prevented me from growing, and caused a whirlwind of emotional outbursts, existential crises, and periods of apathy.


Today is the beginning. This portion will hopefully remain as it is right now because today I am beginning to write this book. I hope that as I write the things I know will cure my anxiety and turn my cynicism into optimism, I will find it for myself.


This isn’t a “How To” book. This is a “let’s start and see where it takes me book.” 


At this point, I am a cynic. I am a pessimist. I struggle mightily with anxiety. I don’t know how to live in the present. I regret the past and fear the future. I try to control everything. I continuously disappoint myself. 


At this point, I am you.


I am doing this for me. That is the reason I write. I am on a journey to find self-discovery and I hope you trust that you will find it with me.


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